While you were off baking on the Cape/studying in Uganda/passed out on your couch in Allston, there was plenty happening in Boston this summer. Here’s a handy list.
1) JULIE AND HILLARY GOODRIDGE, the lead plaintiffs in the landmark Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court case that legalized gay marriage, announced they were separating.
2) The SOMEDAY CAFÉ, in Davis Square, closed. A crêpe place is moving in.
3) The morons who run the MBTA keep screwing up KENMORE SQUARE by building a new station they can’t seem to finish.
4) Yet they had enough time to install new Charlie Card Star Trek–esque FARE GATES in stops all over town.
5) With only two gigs under their belt, the biggest buzz-band in Boston was BANG CAMARO, a supergroup consisting of 14 frontmen singing ’80s-styled flash-metal anthems.
6) COCO CRISP made one of the most amazing catches the Fenway centerfield has ever seen during the Sox’ three-game sweep of the Mets.
7) Then in August, a bird landed on the field at Fenway, it got eaten by a hawk, and the SOX season turned to shit.
8) A portion of the BIG DIG TUNNEL fell on a car, killing Milena Del Valle, of Jamaica Plain.
9) In the following weeks, the GLOBE and the HERALD flooded the zone, trying to one-up each other in the quest for a Pulitzer. The Herald started off strong, but eventually couldn’t keep up.
10) MITT ROMNEY told a crowd in Iowa of the collapse, “The best thing politically would be to stay as far away from that tar baby as I can.” The Phoenix added the comment to its running list of Mitt screw-ups.
11) The city paid STEPHEN COWANS $3.2 million to settle claims that the BPD violated his civil rights after wrongfully convicting him of shooting a police officer in the ass.
12) WIKIMANIA 2006 came to Cambridge. The population of African Elephants tripled overnight.
13) We put PARIS HILTON on the cover and called her "AMERICA’S NEXT MUSICAL GENIUS." Most people got it.
14) The LILY PAD received a cease-and-desist order, but they’re operating again in a reduced capacity.
15) An ARSONIST ran around lighting fires in Jamaica Plain.
16) Would-be Democratic governor TOM REILLY screwed up yet again when leaked emails showed his campaign planned to help New York labor activist Ray Rogers, head of the Campaign to Stop Killer Coke, publicly criticize Deval Patrick.
17) T-shirt maven JOHNNY CUPCAKES opened a store on Newbury Street. NPR covered it, and expressed concern that no actual cupcakes are for sale at the shop, which is made to look like a bakery.
18) TJ’S HOUSE OF PIZZA, in Allston, went vegan and changed its name to TJ Scallywaggles.
19) HARRY SINDEN announced he was stepping down as president of the Bruins after 17 years.
20) For a split second, Boston remembered it had a HOCKEY TEAM, and then went back to watching the Sox.
21) JOHN BUBIER, the gravel-voiced panhandler often seen wandering around Downtown Crossing wondering aloud, “does annnybody haaave annnnny spaaaaare chaaaaange,” made his network television debut on the Fox 25 Morning Show.
22) SNAKES ON A PLANE forced some stoners to buy into all the Web hype.
23) A CRAZY WOMAN ON A PLANE peed on a cabin floor, forcing an emergency touch-down at Logan.
24) LIQUID ON A PLANE was nixed thanks to 21 douchebags who wanted to detonate liquid explosives in 10 airplanes over the Atlantic.
25) STANK ON A PLANE caused a US Airways flight from New Hampshire to North Carolina to be diverted to Boston after passengers smelled a sulfur-like odor.
26) Brazil failed to win the WORLD CUP, depriving Allston/Brighton residents of a major party.
27) But the NORTH END party was amazing.
28) 21 people were MURDERED in June and July, putting the city well ahead of the pace of last year’s 10-year high in homicides. Then, suddenly, we entered a homicide-free span that lasted three-and-a-half weeks.
29) After giving his final commencement address as president of Harvard University in June, LAWRENCE SUMMERS quietly stepped down to assume the position of university professor.
30) BRANGELINA baby photos were leaked by a Massachusetts couple.
31) A GUN BUY-BACK program launched by Mayor Menino handed out $200 Target vouchers in exchange for handguns; they collected roughly 1000 guns.
32) The YEAH YEAH YEAHS drew 20,000 people to a free concert on City Hall Plaza (Okay, we sponsored it, but it still rocked heavily).
33) WBUR slashed arts coverage on its Web site, WBUR Online Arts.
34) PROPERTY VALUES plummeted. But rents seem to have stayed put.
35) There were lots of fake, corporate-logo-spangled COWS everywhere.
