THE 100 UNSEXIEST MEN
OF THE YEAR

OUR ANNUAL SURVEY OF THE PLANET’S LEAST
LUST-WORTHY LADS

_BY PHOENIX STAFF

Another year, children, another list of bores, bluffers, scammers, hypocrites, quacks, blimps, and ugly-buglies. We’ve sorted them out and, after meticulous and carefully calibrated calculations, determined exactly who are the unsexiest men of 2008.

We’re not talking about mere un-handsomeness or bodily imperfection here. We’re not talking about bad-hair days or bad breath. No, compared with the characters we’re about to unleash on you, your average lump (or indeed, your average male Phoenix staffer) is a walking Michelangelo masterpiece. These are, for the most part, men whose behavior is so wretched, whose character is so flawed, that it transcends traditional definitions of attractiveness.

Why do we do it? Why do we sit up in Phoenix Towers and bother to spend time determining who, among all the world’s men, stands lowest in our sexiness assessment? Because we have to. It is our quest and our crusade. Think of our mission as a green-minded

carbon offset of the soul, helping to restore karmic balance to the universe for the ills that, in most cases, these men have done. (A few poor stragglers haven’t done anything wrong, technically — they just somehow managed to rate high on our unsexy scale, anyway.)

Their names are drawn from across the spectrum of cultural and political life. Some of them are even reasonably “good-looking.” But put any three of these dudes together in a room and you have the potential for a catastrophic ectoplasmic reversal. Brace yourself: here are the 100 Unsexiest Men of the Year.