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Busting Balls: 20 ways to improve sports

We blow the whistle on the ridiculous rules and quirks that make the games lame
By LANCE GOULD  |  January 12, 2009


College football is stupid.

Everybody knows it. Even President-elect Barack Obama, who would seem to have more than an adequate number of crises to occupy his attention, addressed the matter in his first major post-election interview. In the November 60 Minutes sit-down, Obama decried the frustratingly ill-conceived and muddled method that the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA), the sport's governing body, uses to determine its Division I-A college-football champion. (That method will be showcased this week, as Florida and Oklahoma square off for the title on January 8.)

Obama called for an eight-team playoff to replace the existing and controversial Bowl Championship Series (BCS), noting, "I don't know any serious fan of college football who has disagreed with me on this. So I'm going to throw my weight around a little bit. I think it's the right thing to do." (So, basically, the guy who has vowed to have a respectful dialogue with any crumbum Third World dictator is now threatening to steamroll over tweedy American college presidents — but that's another story.)

Truth is, no matter how compellingly awful the news from the outside world (a cratering economy, environmental decay, a completely fucked Middle East), the steroid-aided sports universe keeps injecting itself into the national political discourse, and stealing thunder from seemingly more important stories. Another example: as the financial markets continued to plunge to 77-year lows, the buzz epicenter moved 180-odd streets north of Wall Street to the Bronx, where the New York Yankees were setting spending records to acquire new talent. The Evil Empire lay out $423.5 million to put just three players in pinstripes. (The Yankees now have under contract the four highest-paid players in baseball, whose combined salaries total $805 million — which is $205 million more than the construction costs of Citi Field, the new ballpark of the Mets, the Yankees' cross-town rivals.)

Thus, in an effort to free up the incoming president so he can concentrate on the most pressing concerns of the day, we offer 20 ways to improve sports — not a single one of which will require bailout money.

1) Institute a damn salary cap already Why bother even having 30 teams in Major League Baseball if one of those teams spends more in the off-season than the other 29 teams combined? That's what happened when the Bronx Bombers signed pitchers CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett and first baseman Mark Teixeira this past month. Mind you, some of that money is available thanks to the cash the Yankees saved when they got a publicly funded sweetheart deal on their brand-spanking-new stadium.

Some salary-cap foes will argue that the wage-challenged Tampa Bay Rays reached the World Series this past year while competing in the same division as the rich Yankees and Boston Red Sox, both of which are First World teams compared with Tampa's Tajikistan. But remember that in the 2008 campaign Tampa Bay had just its first winning season in its 11-year history, and only through years of sacrifice and patient drafting — and much luck — did it finally put together a winning squad. The Yankees, meanwhile, didn't reach the playoffs for just the first time in 14 seasons, and decided to make a market correction by busting out the monopoly money, a luxury that most other teams don't enjoy.

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Related: Ten years of great sports, Prospect Park, Jocktail Party, More more >
  Topics: Sports , Barack Obama, Baseball, LeBron James,  More more >
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6 Comments / Add Comment


Baseball absolutely needs a salary cap. The Yankees spent 10 times the Marlins last year, which is wrong on both ends. Yankee revenues will double this season due to the new park, and so they will be able to afford a $400 million payroll. Join the fan movement at WWW.BANBASEBALL.COM telling MLB what fans think about their payroll system!!!

Posted: January 07 2009 at 9:03 PM


It's ridiculous to institute a salary cap in baseball without a corresponding salary floor.  Too many teams take the money received from MLB revenue sharing and put that money on the books as profit, rather than reinvest the money in scouting staff, minor league player development, and free agents.  At least the Steinbrenners and John Henry try to field winning teams, which is more than can be said about many MLB team owners.

Posted: January 08 2009 at 8:52 AM


Baseball doesn't need a salary cap.  7 different World Series winners in the last 8 years, only one of them the Yankees.  Plus "Forbid runners from taking leads off bases"?!  Nice - it'd be just like little league. Way to demonstrate you know nothing about real baseball.

Posted: January 09 2009 at 5:44 PM


 If you want to cut down or eliminate throws to first base, just make a rule banning or eliminating throws to first base. Don't go at it sideways by eliminating leads.

If you stop players from leading off you will almost completely eliminate stolen bases, you will reduce overall scoring and you will vastly decrease the number of players going first-to-third on a single. In order to get rid of one thing you think makes the game less exciting, you will end up making the game less exciting in 3 or more other ways. It's a bad bargain.

Posted: January 14 2009 at 8:47 AM


 meant to say banning or limiting, not banning or eliminating

Posted: January 14 2009 at 8:48 AM


No leadoffs?????

Salary cap?????

You, sir are a F*CKING IDIOT

Unless you are a fan of a team like TB, KC, or the Pirates, you would rather see good teams playing deep in 2 October.  The owners of those teams have money but choose to take profits rather than reinvest it in 2 making their teams consistently competitive.

And eliminating leadoffs is the single, dumbest f*cking idea that i have ever heard!!!  Do u understand anything about baseball???

Posted: March 05 2009 at 11:36 AM
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