Hip-hop has always had a bad rap (duh-hyuk!) for misogyny, but when I think back on the long history of articles criticizing the lyrical treatment of women, I have to chuckle. Little did all these academics, right-wing pundits, and watchdog groups know that they never even scratched the surface; the ’90s produced some of the most wonderfully detestable hip-hop tracks imaginable, and no misogyny today seems to compare with those wonderful times.
Since nothing particularly interesting is going on this week, I thought I’d take a moment to reminisce about a few of my very favorite misogynist rap gems. These songs go way beyond mere sexism, disrespect, and degradation — they approach the truly sublime. Before continuing, dear reader, please note that I’m not condoning the existence of these morally unpardonable tracks or defending their content. I’m just enjoying them, the way a pervert enjoys getting stung on the genitals by a scorpion.
Too Short, “All My Bitches Are Gone”
Too Short used to have a lot of ladies, but he beat them, and now they’ve all left. You might think this would, with the right degree of irony, make a pretty funny cautionary tale, but it never develops in that direction. Short seems glad to be rid of them — perhaps because his fists are getting tired. A sample:
All my bitches are gone, them bitches bounced
I had a gang of ’em, now they can’t be found
They ain’t [cavorting] with Short Dog
Cause I’m from Oakland
You [trifle] with us bitch, somethin’ gettin’ broken
Your leg, arm, jaw, nose, pick apart
Oakland [gentlemen]’ll break your heart
When you get Short and co-star Ant Banks together, they form such an amazing feedback loop of woman hatred that it seems almost suspicious. Although they mention sex quite a few times, their relish and delight in woman hating comes off much stronger than their passing interest in sensual pleasures.
UGK, “Pregnant Pussy”
Very early in their career, the legendary Texas duo released an EP called Banned that collected tracks too hideous to be released on their Jive debut. One such track, “Pregnant Pussy,” is spoken of with hushed reverence among the offensive-rap elite.
I’m not usually one to censor myself or mince words, but I’m about to mince the hell out of this thing: this is a song about the notion that when one has sex with a pregnant woman, one is actually interacting with two different beings. “If she’s expecting, I can satisfy/And at the same time give the kid a pacifier.”
I’m not even sure whether the song is really misogynist or whether it exists in its very own previously unexplored sphere of wrongness. Either way, let’s not play it in front of our moms.
Goldy, “Baby by a Dog”
The first time I heard this song’s chorus — “Bitch had a baby by a dog” — I knew I’d found the undisputed champion in the field of reprehensible rap. Goldy and, yes, co-star Ant Banks (a true woman-beating superstar!) express some of the most sincere loathing of the female gender ever recorded.
“Baby by a Dog” is a narrative about two men unwilling to accept the consequences of the wild oats they’ve sewn. It’s a gleeful tale of reckless sex, paternal denial, coerced abortions, violent miscarriages, and good ol’ deadbeat-dadding: “Naming it after me and giving it my last name/She made a mistake, I slammed her head through a damn glass pane.”
It’s so jawdroppingly reprehensible that you wonder why it didn’t cause more of a stir, but a song this ridiculous seems beneath notoriety. The kind of watchdog groups that railed against girls getting sprayed with malt liquor in Dr. Dre videos may not have wanted to dignify it with a response. Or, more likely, they never heard it.
Poison Clan, “I Hate Ho’s”
Magnifique. Although it lacks the visceral, indefensible atrocities of some of the other tracks on this list, I simply have to include “I Hate Ho’s.” The chanted chorus is exquisitely simple and echt misogynist: “I hate ho’s. Ho’s hate me. I hate ho’s. Ho’s hate me.”
The specifics of why the Clan hate ho’s so much are never mentioned, but I guess it’s such a foregone conclusion that they might as well not bother. The general problem seems to be that sometimes ho’s want things other than sex. And why do ho’s hate them? Because “The PC is ho-haters/That’s the reason all ho’s hate us.” Such striking symmetry!
And the opening couplet deserves special mention, since it’s one of the most touching in the history of rap: “Life’s a bitch, so why marry one?/A nigga in love with a bitch is very dumb.”
